Life keeps on lifeing

Hey Fam & Friends, 

I hope you’ve had a good couple of weeks. I am 3 weeks out from my last infusion and feeling good :) 

I'd say, most notable treatment side effects seem to hit about 3-5 days after infusion for me (it's different for everyone). Mainly temporary loss of taste, acid reflux which is generally mild just really annoying, and brain fog that makes focusing on any one thing a challenge. The rebound from these symptoms felt a little shorter this time around and I have been striking a good balance between my regular rhythm of life without overloading my schedule or brain. Although, Jeremy might argue that point based on the number of projects I've got going in and around the house - he wouldn't be tootally wrong.

Since I have been working remotely I have been in the house A LOT (it's giving.. 2020 vibes), so it's time to attain sanctuary status in this home that we've officially owned for 3 years (today)! I've been purging, organizing, and finally getting some decor up off the floor and onto the walls (not to mention all the things we have planned for our yard this year). I just feel an urge to have things in order for simplicity and ease, especially if/when chemo gets more challenging and/or when I have physical surgeries to recover from.

In terms of chemo getting harder - April 1st is my last infusion with the combination of chemotherapy I have been on (Docetaxel + Carboplatin). 3 weeks later (4/22), I switch to 4 treatments of Doxoruicbin (Adriamycin or AC), aka "the Red Devil" (I will refer to it as AC from this point forward). AC gets the nickname "Red Devil" because it's red in color and is one of the most potent chemotherapy drugs used to treat many types of cancer. Along with its ability to effectively attack cancer cells, comes the risk of serious side effects - number one being the potential to cause heart damage. Prior to starting any treatment, I had an ECHO scan to get a baseline of my healthy heart function. Any damage to my heart would not appear until months, or years after receiving the treatment so I'll continue getting these scans for months and years to follow to monitor for any signs of damage. I am starting to realize that people aren't just Cancer survivors but Cancer treatment survivors - this shit is no joke. Luckily, there is another 3ish weeks until we embark onto that new unknown. My fingers are crossed that I will tolerate the next phase as well as I have the first one. 

The physical surgery piece of all of this and the multitude of decisions to be made around that has, so far, been the most overwhelming to consider. When I first met with my Surgeon, who will be the one to remove the cancerous tumor and surrounding tissue, I thought we would just be able to remove the tumor, stitch it up, and be done with it. The reality is, while I tested negative for any genetic mutation (like BRCA1 or 2), Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) has a  high rate of recurrence within the first 5 years and if it does return, will likely be metastatic (meaning the cancer traveled to other parts of my body and would be stage 3 or 4). With this and other things in mind, I will likely have a bilateral (aka double) mastectomy (bmx) followed by reconstruction surgery.

I had a consultation with the Plastic Surgeon on Wednesday (3/27) to discuss the reconstruction process and options like implants vs. DIEP flap surgery vs. aesthetic closure, immediate reconstruction vs. delayed reconstruction, and any questions I had to discuss - which was many. Timeline-wise, the mastectomy procedure will likely be sometime in July/August and initial reconstruction around September so, I have sometime to consider all my options and make a final decision that is best for me - (fortunately and unfortunately) there is no right or wrong approach. That said, I am leaning heavily towards a DIEP flap reconstruction which would use tissue from my lower abdomen to reconstruct my breast tissue.  It is a bigger initial procedure and recovery but, I get to use my own tissue and avoid the risks and challenges that would come with having a foreign object (implant) in my body. I want to mention here that everyone's reasons and candidacy for a particular option are different, so this is stated with absolutely no judgement to anyone who has, or gets implants. I'll share more about whatever procedure I ultimately decide and the reasons why later on. 

Right now, I am processing all of the information I've received and starting to grieve the loss of a part of my body, of which has so much meaning to me as a woman. I'm also accepting the fact that reconstruction is a whole process and timeline within of itself and that I will have multiple surgical procedures in order to reach the end result. As someone who has been lucky enough to avoid any major surgeries up to this point, it's a lot to wrap my head around. But, life (and cancer) is random and here we fucking are so we'll get through it. Mid-thirties seems like a good time in life to get a breast lift anyways so, I'll take the good with the bad ;) 

Today, I am grateful for my energy levels and my ability to keep moving about through life. I am grateful for feeling more grounded in my reconstruction choices and path forward. And everyday I am grateful and thankful for the love and support from what feels like literally every person I have known and loved in some capacity throughout my life - it’s truly powerful, thank you. 

Next infusion is April 1st.

Until next time, 

V