Fatigue has entered the chat

Hi! I’m tired. 🥱 

Two weeks ago (4/1) I had Infusion No. 4  and while the infusion itself went well, it’s definitely the “chemo sucks and I’m on it” round. The first few days post-infusion I’m a bit wired on steroids so I feel generally fine, but this time around I noticed more energy trade offs during those days (if I want to do X on Y day, then I’ll pass on Z today). Days 5-8 post-infusion were really the toughest I’ve had so far. Friday it felt as though I was wandering down a long hallway all day, tired and aimless. Saturday and Sunday I was just zapped of any worthwhile energy to do anything and frankly, it was emotional. The hardest times are when I can’t do normal things or be my normal self. Those moments are harsh reminders that I’m going through all of this, that I have cancer and am undergoing cancer treatment, and all the challenging reality that comes with that fact. It’s somehow both surreal and really real all at once. 

Monday evening (4/8)  the fatigue fog started to lift and by Tuesday (4/9)  I started to feel much more myself. Somewhere around Wednesday the numbness in my tounge subsided and I could taste again. Throughout the week, my cancerous breast became red, swollen, and tender. This has happened after other infusions and my Oncologist explained that it’s normal to see changes as the chemo melts the cancer. My breast continued to take a few different shapes throughout the week and has mostly calmed down by now. It’s really wild to literally watch from the outside, my body attacking cancer. If only I could hop on Ms. Frizzle’s magic school bus (if you know, you know…).

In addition to losing the hair on my head, my eyebrows and eyelashes are steadily on their way out too. I have a new awareness and appreciation for my eyelashes and their tireless efforts to keep shit out of my eyes. Navigating sweat and pollen with limited eyelashes is a stingy experience. 

Im wearing an overall puffiness/water retention from the medications and my period finally took a hiatus. It’s 50/50 whether or not it will return after treatment. 

I’ve been lucky enough to tolerate treatment fairly well up to this point, but I’m certainly feeling a bit anxious about infusion on Monday (4/22) which is the switch to the AC chemotherapy. On top of a new drug that I hopefully can tolerate, the cumulative effect is real and it’s challenging knowing that, anticipating that, and inevitably being IN it.

Thankfully there is a rebound after those few tough days. I still took it pretty easy the week following infusion. Jeremy dubbed the second weekend after infusion “woo weekend” because it tends to be the time where we fit in quality social time with folks. I’m here for the top notch branding. Woo Weekend it is.

Today I finally felt up for a yoga class. Lately I’ve just kept it to my weekly barre class and walks around the neighborhood so it felt good to get back with good energy throughout class and enough leftover to get on with my day. I’ll embrace all the energy, focus, and hair that I can this week because next week I’ll be back at the bottom of the hill. 

4 Infusions and 12 weeks to go for this leg of the trip.

More after Infusion no. 5.

Love,

V