5 down, 3 to go

5/8ths of the way through chemotherapy treatment!

Infusion No. 5 was a little over two weeks ago on 4/22.  This time I had a chair that was in a corner spot with two sunny windows - and that was pretty darn nice :) I also clarified that "AC" refers to the combination of chemotherapy drugs (Adriamycin aka "red devil" and Cyclophosphamide) vs just referencing the Adriamycin. The more ya know, eh? 

I was pretty weepy during the pre-infusion follow up with my Medical Oncologist. Chalk it up to anxiety of starting new chemotherapy drugs, my hormones (or lack there of) due to the pause in my period, anticipating the coming fatigue, and (lets face it) all the things.  Once I got into the sunshiney infusion chair, the tears subsided and we started the infusion party with snacks, hot chocolate, and pre-chemo drugs.

I was able to tolerate the big, bad, scary red devil along with the Cyclophosphamide (Cyclo for short? why not.) and immunotherapy always goes off without a hitch - It's relieving when things go as expected.

The fatigue with AC hit a lot more acutely. Normally, I've had post-infusion wirey energy for about three days before the fatigue fog started to roll in but, this time it came on quick and thick. I couldn't will myself to do much - thought, movement, or otherwise. Music didn't sound good, food didn't taste good, my mood and movement were low, and it felt terrible. BUT no nausea, no vomiting, no headaches, no aches, no pains, and that's something to be grateful for. 

By Sunday (4/28) I could feel the fog lifting and the landscape of my mind brighten by the hour. My mom flew in for a whisper of a visit (Sunday - Tuesday) and albeit brief, it was really nice to hug her and share a few meals before she was on her way back to Pennsylvania. 

A week after infusion I was back to what felt like good energy and mindset - like night and day compared to infusion week. I was so excited to take some yoga and barre classes and teach my Wednesday night barre. I honestly think maintaining those routines and passions have made all the difference for me. Woo weekend (2nd weekend after infusion) didn't disappoint with a Friday girls night featuring pedicures and dinner out, and Saturday brunch. 

Now in the last week before my next infusion I continue to plan my next steps beyond chemotherapy. I met with my Surgical Oncologist today to discuss the plans for my bilateral (or double) mastectomy (BMX). With my last infusion slated for 6/24, we are targeting surgery for the end of July. I thought having a BMX would have allowed me to circumvent the need for radiation therapy but my Surgeon informed me that she was under the impression that radiation was on the plan for me. Apparently due to my young age and the composition of my tumor, radiation is common because they typically "throw everything at it" (her words not mine) so it never returns. This is contrary to what my Medical Oncologist (who I follow up with before each infusion) has told me so I will need to follow up with him and the Radiation Oncologist to clarify.  It's not what I expected (or maybe that expectation was based on wishful thinking) and I felt a lot of disappointment in that moment. Just like chemotherapy, radiation has it's own set of risks and side effects including fatigue, potential heart damage, skin blistering and discoloration, and more I'm sure - not to mention it pushes my larger reconstruction surgery back, potentially into 2025. 

Cue the tears. It's tough when things don't go as expected. 

When the timelines just seem to just get longer instead of shorter.

When you realize there is even more to endure. 

Until I get more clarity from my care team, it's helpful for me to start processing the potential of radiation as part of the plan and whatever domino effect that has on the rest of it. I'll do what must be done.

And with that, we have three infusions left - the next coming up on Monday (5/13). I can see the light at the end of this leg of the journey. 

Thank you for taking this trip with me.  

Until next time, 

V

Infusion No. 5